Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize