Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
