I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
