where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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