my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
