Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
