Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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