We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
