I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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