I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
