He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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