Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
