Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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