My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
