If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize