roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
