Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
