It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
