You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
