I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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