Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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