You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
