Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
