dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
