Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
