Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
