the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My pussy is not your playground.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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