she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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