just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
