I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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