1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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