remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
