yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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