I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
