guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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