sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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