Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
