Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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