If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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