after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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