one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
