his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
