I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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