Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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