Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Randomize
