woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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