I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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