I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize