You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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