so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
