did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
