they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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