my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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