I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am midnight drunk by noon
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize