...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
