smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
