Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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