Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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