she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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