Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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