What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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