I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
