so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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