why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
