and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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