I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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