it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I believe in your delicious
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
