No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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