yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
